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Why are My Relatives Kind to Their Abuser?
We like to think we have a strong sense of self. That we are independent.
That if someone does something bad to you, the line will always be clear.
The lines become blurred when the abused needs the abuser: For food, for validation, for financial support.
When the abuse is suffered as a child before you even have a strong sense of self.
Even when the child grows up into a self-sufficient adult, that feeling persists.
And that’s when you have otherwise independent adults making excuses and allowances for a person who was abusive to them.
I see relatives claiming that this person has “mellowed out.” I don’t see such a thing: I see a person who no longer has children to torture with impunity.
There’s a difference between genuinely changing as a person, and simply no longer having available victims.
The abuse has stopped, but the intention is still there. The hurt, the unresolved pain, and that turns to fear, doubt, and the prolonged effects of evil.
Fear is irrational. Fear is a survival tool.
And so fear will persist even though the danger has passed, because it is trying to keep you alive.
