I came home and…

Unexpected roommate situations.

What is waiting for me at home? Photo by Jacob Culp on Unsplash

I came home and my roommate was crying on the couch watching Rihanna music videos.

I came home and my roommate was using my laptop as a plate for his sandwich.

I came home and saw my neighbor naked in the hallway. He gave me a TV as an apology.

I came home and my roommate was blowing a dildo he had just purchased.

I came home and my roommate had brought in shelves and a bed frame she found on the street.

I came home and my roommate had dragged the furniture away from windows after a neighborhood shooting.

I came home and my roommate had put on her prom dress and baked a cake.

I came home and my roommate was feverishly eating candy and dropping the wrappers all over the kitchen.

I came home and my roommate explained he couldn’t shit unless he had taken his shirt off.

I came home and my roommate told me he was going to record himself sleeping to see if he ate in his sleep.

I came home and my roommate was serving dinner to a stuffed animal.

I came home and my roommate was furiously making 300 small sandwiches.