Honest Interviews

How would you interview if you didn’t “need” the job?

This is going well. Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash

“So, I see you have a gap in your employment history.”
“Yes. A family member killed himself and it triggered a lot of feelings in me, so I took time off to be with family and engage in self-care. I am now re-entering the workforce, but part of me is afraid I will relapse once I have the daily pressures of a full-time job. Only one way to know for sure!”

“Why are you passionate about this job?”
“I am not. I will do the work you pay me to do, and then go home. I have no desire to participate in after-work events. I have no desire to take advantage of free alcohol in-office and become a functional alcoholic. I also do not want to microdose to contribute my trippy visions to your startup. My passion and trippy visions are my own. You cannot have them.”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
“On a beach licking the abs of surfers once this company goes public and I cash out my stock.”

“What kinds of innovations do you see yourself bringing to our company?”
“What, you want me to tell you so you can steal my ideas? Hire me, then maybe I’ll innovate.”