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Do You Think You Will Live a Full Life?
What to do when you irrationally believe your life will be short.
If the future is real, Jonny, you’ve got to heal
This is a quote that stopped my heart the first time I heard the song “Uncle Jonny” by The Killers.
Unlike the Jonny of the song, I was not a cocaine addict. Then why exactly did this line speak to me?
Because I have always felt, on some level, that the future was not real. That my life would be cut short.
And so I lived my life in panic mode. I didn’t bring an umbrella with me anywhere, in case I had to run. I didn’t go grocery shopping once a week because I didn’t have the foresight to plan — Instead, I was constantly shelling out coins for street food and eating while standing. I was always rushing, and I could never seem to plan a vacation, a career, or even a day. Procrastinate, drink, panic, load up on caffeine and panic to get the job done.
Collapse.
Repeat.
The song scared me. Did other people believe in their futures? Did they really (lol) have career paths? Goals? Check their credit scores?
Did I have to believe in my future? Did I have to heal?
