Crime Show Dialogue Be Like

I watch three hours of Law and Order: SVU every day.

Lisa Martens
4 min readMar 14, 2019


Dun-dun! Photo credit:

Detective 1: I’m sorry. I’m afraid your girlfriend was killed last night.

Boyfriend: What? Oh no, Laura! Wait, you don’t think I did this?! I loved her! I didn’t kill her!

Detective 1: Damn, you went from learning about her death to talking about her in the past tense real fast. Ah, you must be my new partner.

Detective 2: That’s right. My name is John, I served in Vietnam, I’m a Marine, I have army tattoos, I am secretly an alcoholic, but not-so-secretly. So, a woman partner, huh? I’m old-fashioned, but open-minded. I’m still a man’s man, but I think women can work outside. I will spend most of my time with you being impressed and turned on by your competence.

Detective 1: You served in Vietnam?

Detective 2: That’s right.

Detective 1: But . . . you look like you’re like…45?

Detective 2: Very impressive. See, it’s already beginning. I will raise my eyebrow to show I am impressed and attracted.

Detective 1: And you’re a Marine, but you have army tattoos?

Boyfriend: Can I go now? I don’t know anything about Laura’s killer!

Detective 2: Yeah, you’re free to go.

Detective 1: What did you do that for? I hadn’t asked him anything!

Detective 2: He didn’t do it. I feel it in my gut. You all may have fancy DNA technology, but you forget about the importance of the gut.

Detective 1: Well, yeah, because the gut can be racist and sexist, and DNA results cannot.

Detective 2: So, when can we expect the ME?

Medical Examiner: I am the ME.

Detective 2: Wow! But you’re black! And a woman, too! I’m totally on board with this, but I’m still going to point it out every single time it happens. Really great. Good for you.

Detective 1: So, what can you tell us?

Medical Examiner: Well, she died sometime after midnight, and before dawn. We found her covered in Beanie Babies.



Lisa Martens

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